


As I have never loved anyone

by meltyourheadachescallithome



Series: Of purple summers: Spring Awakening modern AU [1]
Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: German au, Hanschen has definitely had more experience than Ernst, Happy Ending, M/M, Modern AU, Romance, i love my gay and bi german kids, okay actually not au cuz technically its canon but everyone makes them american in modern aus so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7466223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltyourheadachescallithome/pseuds/meltyourheadachescallithome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're at this bar, listening to this band play, when suddenly other things become more important and Ernst does not know how to handle this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As I have never loved anyone

“Oh my god”, Ernst whispers. Well, actually, it’s not a whisper, it’s more of a shout that had the intention of not being heard by exactly everyone around here. “You don’t-”  
“Yes, I do”, Hänschen cuts him off. And Ernst doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry.  
They are in the cellar of some bar, in the next big city, where a band is playing something between indie rock and cheesy french radio music. Just, not sung in french. He didn’t ask how Hänschen found this, just said “yes” when he invited him to come along. He loves spending time with Hänschen. He is always reminded of how much he loves spending time with him.  
They were best friends. They had been for years. Ernst admires Hänschen’s presence, his skill to always be heard when he wanted to be, his confidence and his cockiness. And...his face. His laugh, his smile, his whole body, the way it moved...it was not the “I want to be like that” kind of admiration. At some point, Ernst had realized that it was more the “wow I am so gay” kind of admiration.  
But he never talked about it. To anyone.  
Not to Moritz, who he himself helped to get his crush on Melchior sorted out, not to Ilse, who had asked deliberately if there was anything up with him that she could help him with. She sure as hell could help him with this...and it’s not that he does not need help (goddamn it), he just does not want anyone else to have the control over his feelings and his - his relationship with his best friend. Easy peasy. They are best friends. Ernst knows he can trust Hänschen. He just has zero experience in relationships and love.  
Speaking of experience, Hänschen must have a lot. He has dated Melchior Gabor, for fucks sake. And he’s had a few things with Bobby Maler going on, Bobby Maler. Of all people. And with Antonia Lange from the school choir. Gosh, why is Hänschen even in the school choir? Not that he can’t sing, that is definitely not the case, but that paired with the fact that Hänschen is top of the class in social studies, Latin and mathematics, and the way he cares about always wearing good shoes and the fact that he owns some really expensive stuff - it’s just so classy. Ernst knows that that comes from Hänschen’s tradition-loving, right-wing conservative parents, who he has often had the pleasure being passive-aggressively being talked about by in his own presence, and who he knows pressure Hänschen into a lot of really ridiculous things, but he must admit it suits Hänschen to be classy. Ernst just...has a thing for Hänschen, okay? He does not know how it started, but damn, it’s there. He has even gotten used to keeping it to himself, not denying it, but just not talking about it. Only denying it when someone specifically asks. Ernst knows Hänschen is out of his league.  
And now, at this random concert in a random bar, that exact Hänschen leans over and, his godawfully beautiful low voice giving Ernst chills, whispers the words into his ear.  
“I love you, Ernst Röbel. Do you love me?”  
It was nothing that Ernst had ever expected to happen. Especially not this way. And not like that. He does not know how much drinks Hänschen has had. Is this some way of telling Ernst he is ridiculous because Hänschen knows and now wants to keep Ernst away from him?  
What is this?  
A weird reassuring question and Hänschen’s answer later, Ernst still doesn’t know how to handle this and finds himself running out of the bar. The music has become irrelevant. What does Hänschen want from him? How should he react?  
Outside, it’s dark but the traffic is still as lit as it was when they came a few hours ago.  
“Ernst?”  
He stops on the sidewalk, panting.  
“Look, Ernst-”  
Hänschen has followed him.  
“Ernst, I’m sorry if this was too overwhelming. I probably always look like a pro when it comes to...well, certain things, but this is much harder than you might think. So please answer me. ...and, for the love of god, turn around.”  
Hänschen’s voice sounds soft, caring, but also unsure and afraid.  
Ernst turns around to see Hänschen standing there, smiling, awkwardly fumbling with his hands and looking at Ernst.  
It takes another million years for Ernst to make a move, Hänschen just becoming more and more nervous. And Ernst would be lying if he said wasn’t extremely nervous as well. Damn, this guy.  
And then he doesn’t know what he is doing anymore, he just grabs Hänschen by the collar and presses the lips together.  
It’s something completely new for Ernst, but it feels so good, and he can feel Hänschen putting his arms around him and pressing their bodies together, and holy shit it feels so good. Why is he only doing this now?  
At some point he needs air so he breaks away from Hänschen. They’re both laughing and giggling and yes, Hänschen does look good in fancy clothes with his hair perfectly combed, but now he is standing in the light of a streetlamp, his hair tousled, his cheeks red, smiling a very peaceful and honest smile. Ernst can only imagine what he himself looks like, but this Hänschen does something to him.  
“So”, Hänschen finally says, “What’s your answer now?”  
Ernst nods. “Yes, yes, Hänschen, gosh do I love you”, he blurts out.  
Hänschen’s smile grows. “And we should do that again.”  
The smile turns into a cocky grin that is definitely meant to be seductive in many ways. “Oh, I can do more than that by the way”  
Ernst shakes his head. This guy is unbelievable. And unbelievably sexy. He wants him so badly.  
“Let’s take the next train back home. We can stay at my place, my parents won’t notice”, Ernst suggests.  
Hänschen nods and takes his hand.  
And then he gives him another kiss, a soft one, on his cheek. And then one on his mouth. And then on his jaw. And then on his collarbone. And Ernst would be lying to himself if he said it doesn’t make him feel like heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fist hernst fic, but I hope you enjoyed it :) Leave some kuddos and comments to show me if you did! constructive criticism is always welcome, as are compliments.  
> Fun fact: I got the name Lukas Meier and the idea that Hänschen is in the school choir from the German version of The Bitch of Living, where Hänschen's solo is something like this: "After gym class, naked in the shower/Lukas Meier from choir/looks so hot in a tie" idk why they did that, but it sure did give me something to work with.


End file.
